Therapy should never be “one size fits all.” You’re an individual, and you deserve an approach that fits you - your experience, your mindset, the way you see things.
The tech space can be incredibly rewarding, but as with any profession it offers a unique set of challenges. A practical, evidence-based, science-based approach can help you learn how to conquer those challenges, improve your relationships, reduce stress and anxiety, and enhance your career prospects.
Let’s explore solutions that are tailored just for you. Let’s make them concrete and actionable, so that you can try them out right away.
Challenges of Working in Tech
You design and maintain the things we all rely on. Things that keep us connected, entertained, informed, productive. You’re part of this incredible hub of innovation in the Bay Area.
But because of the nature of the tech space, have you been hoping for more genuine connection? Wishing you could interact more easily with whoever’s around you? With so many jobs and so much competition, it can be easy to feel pressured or stressed. It’s also common to feel isolated or left behind, as if everyone might be replaceable.
The emphasis on logic in this workspace can be disconcerting. It can leave no room for how you’re doing, how you’re feeling, whatever’s on your mind, etc. If only human emotions were as concrete or quantifiable as going through lines of code, life would be so much better, right?
As you’re just trying to do your best at work, what about sleep? What about feeling completely relaxed when you get home... having time for dating or a relationship... keeping up a social life? When you’re in the middle of a sprint, anticipating a performance review, or preparing for a launch, it can be tough to focus on anything outside of work, much less improve it.
Common Mental Health Concerns in Tech
Over several years, my therapy practice has intersected with tech in a big way. I’ve met with programmers, developers, designers, product managers, project managers, architects, and even cofounders. They’ve worked in sales, business development, marketing, management, operations, human resources, recruiting and legal.
While each individual is unique, some common themes have emerged in what they describe. Here’s a sampling:
Stress and burnout
“I’m not sure if I want to be a coder anymore.”
Isolation and loneliness
“I chat with my coworkers on Slack, but we rarely see each other’s faces.”
“I used to dream of working from home, but now that it’s all the time, I kinda miss people. Zoom calls are just not the same”
Depression
Lack of sense of purpose
“Honestly, I don’t believe in the product as much as I’m supposed to.”
“I wish I was building something that helps people more directly.”
Tense relationships
“My manager is impossible.”
“I don’t really feel connected to my team.”
“I wish someone had taught me how to deal with idiots.”
Unclear / indirect communication
“The user makes requests for features, but I don’t think they know what they actually need.”
Anxiety
Perfectionism
“I think I’ve revised that slide deck about 8 times. I never know when it’s good enough.”
A workplace culture that discourages sharing feelings
Addictions
“I wind up checking my phone like every few minutes… Wish I had some other thing to do when I’m stressed.”
Lack of guidance / mentorship
“My manager is pretty hands-off, which most people would say is great. But it’s weird to have to figure everything out on my own.”
Stress and Anxiety in the Tech Industry
Although the pay is usually decent, working in tech can lead anyone to feel stressed or anxious.
Yes, tech workers are still in demand in the job market. But there’s often pressure to perform, to get ahead, to move up the ladder. It might not be enough to just know how to code well. In many settings you’re expected to take ownership of projects, get promoted to team lead, become a manager, etc. All while dealing with folks who may be competitive, bossy, or just plain difficult.
And it’s not always a nice, easy pace, right? When you’re in the middle of a tough sprint, your work becomes your life. Even if a product launch is far away, you might still be working long hours. If you’re working from home, it may seem impossible to discipline yourself to stay focused.
And the meetings! Ugh. Okay, performance reviews serve a purpose, but why so many meetings in general? So much time that could be spent being productive.
If you’re looking to quit your job and find another, why’s it such an ordeal? It sucks to have to study for technical interviews. And to have to go through so many steps, interviewing with the entire universe? Spending a full day at a whiteboard or with a panel can be exhausting.
Solutions to Cope with Stress in Tech
Your unique mindset enables you to design, build, troubleshoot, and optimize. Your analytical abilities lead to devices and programs that benefit us all. Let’s leverage these superpowers, and devise life hacks to help you feel happier, less stressed, more connected to the people who matter to you. Here’s a sampling:
Remember what Mom told you about sharing.
But now it’s not about toys, but feelings. If there’s anyone at work that you know and trust, try sharing a little about how things are going for you. That may lead them to open up to you as well, and poof… a friendship is born. It’s helpful to hear how your peers are handling the stress, and it feels good to vent to someone who knows what you’re talking about. This all requires you to...
Know feelings like you know Python.
Why? Because social connections reduce stress. And for social connections to go smoothly, each person needs to feel that the other “gets” them, and cares. You can show this by asking someone how they're doing in a way that shows that you mean it. And then listening for the answer. Still on the subject of social connections...
Stay connected even when you can’t see your friends and coworkers.
Loneliness is linked to a higher risk of heart disease, dementia and depression. Although you may be working from home, you can still cultivate some relationships, and reap the rewards. A quick DM or text takes less than five seconds.
Say hello to the other half of your brain.
When you’re writing or troubleshooting code, you’re using your left brain, which is responsible for linear thinking, logic and sequencing. Tapping into your right brain provides some balance. You can do this by: being creative, daydreaming, using your imagination, or even by listening to music.
Try intermittent screen fasting.
I know, I know… We’ve all heard a million times how we should reduce our screen time, and it gets kinda annoying. But stepping away can reduce your risk of depression and maybe other mental health disorders. Challenge yourself to set aside an hour per day where you turn off all devices and do literally anything else, especially outside! It’ll help you feel more relaxed, more in balance.
Push pause on work.
Unless you’re literally required to be “on call” at night, set a boundary around your work hours. Decide what works for you - what helps you feel more relaxed. If you want to get good sleep, and feel more balance in your life, allow your brain to rev down for a few hours before bedtime. That means something mindless, something calming.
Pretend that dumb ideas aren’t dumb.
Some coworkers may cling to their ideas for dear life, just because they thought of them. To reduce conflict and preserve harmony, consider letting go of who’s right and who’s wrong, and help people feel good about themselves. Consider acknowledging the value of ideas you’re not thrilled about. You can privately know that you’re right, and still benefit from the connection.